Ryan and Ellen

Saturday I went to the grocery store. As most of you will probably know, Saturday is a rather interesting day to go to the grocery store – but I only needed a few things so I didn’t think I’d mind so much. I drove into the parking lot and was greeted by some older woman in a car in front of me taking TIME to turn into the aisle – a quick roll of my eyes before showing her a smile as she passed – “GO!” – I said from my car.

Never considering what I had just done, I parked and headed into the store. I passed a woman and her child loading groceries from their buggy into the car. “Well, he sure did manage to put that right on top of my bread, didn’t he!” she proclaimed to her child.

As I walked into the store, I was struck by what she had said and began to compare that to what I had just said. She might have been a great, godly woman – she might have been generous and kind – but the only thing that stuck out to me was her complaint! Whoa, I thought, what have I said to people that could be taken the same way?

Philippians 2:14-15 says, “Do all things without grumbling or disputing; so that you will prove yourselves to be blameless and innocent, children of God above reproach in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you appear as lights in the world.”

So, God’s word says that the way we show ourselves as lights is to not grumble or dispute – other versions use argue, murmur, or complain. Another verse:

John 13:35 says, “By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.”

Another way to be a light (i.e. to show people we are God’s disciples) is by our love for each other.

So, how do people see you? If I were to sneak behind you in Walmart and watch you talk to your husband, children, mother, sisters/brothers, friends that you run into, or hear what you say about that friend you just ran into, would I know that you are a Christian? Would your love shine? Would you be grumbling or disputing?

OK, so let’s look at the Greek words translated grumbling and disputing in the NASB version:

- Grumbling/Murmuring – a secret debate, a secret displeasure not openly avowed.

- Disputing – the thinking of a man deliberating with himself (a thought, inward reasoning, purpose, design), a deliberating, questioning about what is true (hesitation, doubting, disputing, arguing)

This really amazed me – while grumbling, murmuring, and disputing all imply outward actions/words to us, the Greek words can also mean internal complaints! A SECRET displeasure! How many times have I secretly grumbled, murmured, disputed, and complained? Too many to count! How many times do I grumble, but do it just to Ryan or to my family members or close friends? How many times do I make “bless her heart” comments (you know what I mean!) after someone leaves the room? How many secret displeasures do I hang onto in my heart?

One of the most central places I’ve noticed this (and fallen guilty myself many times!) has been facebook! Suddenly facebook has become a place where we think we can complain about our family, how we feel, what we think, how we’ve been treated, etc. When I have friends on there suffering from cancer, miscarriages, deaths in their families, etc, why should I dare to complain that it was tough for me to get up this morning for work – hey, Praise the Lord I have a job! Why should I complain that it was tough to workout when I have friends who only wish they could workout for their difficult struggle with chronic health problems? Better yet, why should I complain about my husband/parents/siblings/inlaws, etc when I have friends who have lost those closest to them?

In the end, what do I have to truly complain about? Someone taking up the entire row at the grocery store? Someone squishing my bread at the checkout? Hey, that person that squished my bread is a person just like me and has real problems just like I do and maybe worse?

So, how do secret murmurs hurt our witness? I have always thought this verse was referring to those outward comments and complaints and now I’m thinking about it in a whole new light! Could it be that complaining on the inside shows on our outsides? Could it be that we as humans can just “read” when someone is complaining inside? I’ll admit, sometimes I can! And, out of the heart the mouth speaks – those thoughts may just eventually develop into words. Or, you never know, maybe all that internal complaining is what gives us wrinkles!

So, to avoid complaining myself, I’ll leave it at this – God’s word makes it clear that we will shine HIS light by not complaining, murmuring, arguing, and disputing and by showing love for one another. Why should I dare to murmur (remember, a SECRET displeasure) in myself against my husband (place any family member or friend here as well!)? Instead, I should be glad that I have a husband who is a godly, healthy, and loving Christian man. And, what about that slow driver in front of you or that ridiculous young person that cuts in front of you in line? Not even thinking a frustrating thought sure can help you be a light to that person!

Please share your comments and thoughts on this issue below!

NOTE: Scriptures and definitions taken from www.blueletterbible.com

1 Peter 3:1-6 – “In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. Your adornment must not be merely external – braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands; just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened with any fear.”

I pasted the verses above for you (and me!) to refer back to throughout this discussion on beauty. First, I ask you to really pray and seek the Lord on this matter before and after you read what I’ve written (and while you read it!). Please be open to what the Lord is telling YOU about this (not what you wish He would tell a friend of yours or what you think about me personally or any other tactic that satan uses to distract us). This is such a tough and touchy issue and it is with great care and prayer that I go for describing my thoughts, ideas, and beliefs.

So, what is a woman’s place when it comes to “beauty” and “making herself up?” Is it wrong to be attractive/dress attractively? Is it wrong to make yourself up? I’ve dealt with this issue alot growing up – actually, it seems kinda easier now, because I’ve just learned to turn to Ryan and say, “Do you like this? Is it OK? What do you think?” Many times lately, he actually picks my clothes out for me or at least helps me pick them out (not as a burden, but as a blessing!) – I kinda like it and I think he has a great sense of style! But, for all of us women, what do style, fads, prettying up, and modesty have to do with me and my Christian life? Let’s look in God’s word.

First, the 1 Peter verses above – Paul says not to let our adornment be MERELY external, then lists things we girls do to pretty up (now-a-days, makeup would probably be on this list, as well as probably something about fashion jewelry and hair scrunchies!   He doesn’t say “Don’t let your adornment be ANY external things – he says “merely” external – or, we could paraphrase: “Being pretty on the outside doesn’t mean you’re pretty on the inside” or “Don’t just pretty up the outside, pretty up your insides, too.” Let’s look at the story this passage is referring to – In Genesis 12, Sarah and Abraham were traveling through Egypt and Abraham noticed that Sarah was “a beautiful woman.” Long story short, Abraham was afraid he’d get killed over her beauty (that sounds mighty beautiful) – he was afraid someone would kill him to get to his beautiful wife! So, he told her to tell people they were just brother and sister – then, when she was immediately chosen by Pharaoh for his bride, Pharaoh’s house got sick and God told him not to touch the beautiful Sarah. I do not believe that 1 Peter is saying that external beauty or adornment is ungodly – clearly, Sarah was a beautiful and desirable woman! What 1 Peter is saying is that “pretty is as pretty does.” Sarah is rewarded because, although she could probably see the consequences ahead, she obeyed her husband and called him her brother and the Lord saved her – I bet Abraham learned a lesson himself, too, on not lying about his wife!

So, when you’re reading this passage, think about the meaning of the passage and its application/history …

verse 1 – If we as wives obey our husbands we can win them without having to argue or pester with them on an issue. Just submit – God will save you and in the process your husband will be brought to the truth through you (you’ll get a reward!).

verse 2 – Your husband will be persuaded to follow God’s word by observing how respectful you are of him (remember, guys need a show of respect like we women need a show of love!).

verse 3 – Don’t just pretty up on the outside – For so long, I have mistaken this verse as wondering if it meant we shouldn’t braid our hair, wear gold jewelry, or put on dresses – the verse clearly says MERELY, meaning not to let our adornment be ONLY these things! I believe that, according to this verse and others, it CAN include these things, though!

verse 4 – A gentle and quiet spirit is precious in the sight of God. Note here again – often women take this as “a gentle and quiet APPEARANCE” – no, the Bible says your SPIRIT should be gentle and quiet. I myself have fallen guilty to having an appearance of submission, gentleness, quietness, and piety without having a spirit that follows more times than I would like to admit. God and God alone sees your spirit – man sees your appearance. So, are you portraying a gentle and quiet appearance for man? or a gentle and quiet spirit for God? Do you question where God has you in life? that could be a LOUD and rebellious spirit! Do you find yourself entertaining thoughts of discontentment and frustration with your life in school, at home, with your children, with your husband, or at the thought of not having a husband, home, or children? Question your SPIRIT – what does God see? Because, in the end, it doesn’t matter a bit what man sees – only what God sees!

verse 5 – OK, so this is how the godly old women prettied themselves up (the verses above) – they were submissive to their own husbands, too (note: OWN husbands – how often have you done something to please your peers, someone else, a potential mate, a friend, or someone else’s husband instead of your own?).

verse 6 – Sarah is our example – she, the beautiful woman that she was, obeyed Abraham by showing herself off as a single woman to the Egyptians. We will be her “children” if we do the right thing without being frightened by anything. So, what frightens us? Obviously, the thought of someone else taking us as their SPOUSE when we are already married, as in Sarah and Abraham’s case, is a fear! But, what frightens you? I’m often frightened by what people THINK about me – what will they think about how I look? This fear normally drives me to one of two sins, which are really just about the same:

- Dress for someone else, less modestly – the drive to dress like “the world” – the drive to dress to impress those in the world rather than the Lord. I am easily tempted to dress with the hope of attracting others (whether it’s men, fame, friends, etc) – I want to look impressive to them and become attractive to those who should not drive my motivation.

- Dress for someone else, more “conservatively” – this motive is just as dangerous as the first. I cannot list the number of people who have openly admitted to me that they are dressing to “impress” others, especially guys or the parents’ of their friends, by dressing more modestly, more out of style, or more “humble like.” I will admit that I cannot find myself innocent in either of these scenarios – I have dressed to impress on both sides of the spectrum. Whether to be liked by others, seen as “more godly” by some, able to join in a “group” with yet more, or to make myself feel better about my way of not-so-loud-and-outward flirtation with a Christian guy, dressing to attract or fit in is wrong. It is a sin, regardless of which side of the spectrum you are on.

Another note – Remember when the people were plotting and planning to throw Jesus into the pit to kill Him? His time had not come yet. The Bible gives the account and says that He just walked away, disappearing into the crowd. Now, I don’t think that a Jesus wrapped in the starkly white robes the pictures portray would be able to disappear in a crowd – THAT Jesus would stand out in a crowd. In the same way, we as Christians shouldn’t stand out in the crowd. Sure, we are to be the light of the world – but the Bible is clear that our way to be lights is to not complain (Philippians 2:14-15), to live rightly, etc – not dress to stand out. Now, here’s where again I often notice two trends (both of which I’ve been guilty of!) – I’m not talking about dressing in the immodest trends of the world and I’m not talking about dressing in something that has been out of style for a decade – I’m talking about just dressing in modest, attractive, stylish clothing – let your attitude and actions show your difference – believe me, you can SHINE for Christ in your actions much louder than your clothing!

Galatians 5:1 states: “It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery.” – Christ FREED us from slavery – don’t entrench yourself in a list of RULES and SLAVERY when it comes to clothes – be free! But, remember your brothers in the Lord – remember what I said, dress for Christ, not to attract men!

One more thought – when was the last time you asked your DAD (if you’re single) or your HUSBAND (if you’re married) what he thinks about your clothes? Christ has set those two men as our earthly heads if we are female. They are your leaders on earth (yes, your dad is still your head, even if you are 20’s and not married!). If you have resisted asking them their thoughts on modesty and clothing because you are afraid they will not approve of what you like, be cautious to wait another day! Ask them their opinion and their belief on what you should wear. You will experience great FREEDOM by allowing them a say in what you wear. And, for your love of other men, no one knows better what can really cause a man’s eyes to waiver from staying on Christ than your earthly male head.

Bottom line, dress beautifully, dress to frame your face (not your body!), dress modestly (I’d like to cover this topic later), dress to impress your Creator and your earthly father (if you’re single) or your husband (if you’re married). Do not allow yourself to be tempted to dress as the world dresses to impress, whether to make yourself “look” more spiritual or to make yourself “look” more desirable to others. Examine your motives carefully and watch out before walking out in something put together to “catch” someone’s eye.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

While enjoying this special day, I have become keenly aware that some people feel, well, frankly left out on this very special celebratory day. You see, there are several flaws that I see with how America looks at this holiday…

1. Valentine’s Day as a Marketing Strategy – By laying a guilt trip on every male that is either married, engaged, dating, or even just good friends with someone to purchase something for his special someone, stores and manufacturers seem to see Valentine’s Day as a way to make some extra cash. Sometimes it gets frustrating, married or single, to walk through the store during this special time, seeing all these candy and flowers displays that will be half priced tomorrow and drop to 75% off within a week! Overpriced stuffed toys line the streets, screaming for each male to “outdo” the other on this special day. Watching the Walgreen’s commercial advertising a “Valentine’s Day Consultant” really got my mind working! Is this a society in which some girl saleswoman knows more about what women want than their own husbands do? Girls, have you ever considered – do we as women appreciate and thank our husbands for their own kind sense of generosity and own romantic way of expressing their love? Or, have we ever dared to criticize a gift from our husbands that was different from what we thought we wanted? Have we fell guilty of making our husbands think they can no longer choose our gifts – that somehow their individual romantic sense can’t lead them in the direction to choose a special gift for us?

p.s. Guys – believe me, if your girl is like most, she prefers your well thought out gift above the pricey and non-thought-out alternatives!

2. Valentine’s Day as Single Awareness Day – Alright, I’ll admit it – when I was single (just 2 short years ago), I felt sorta “left out” on Valentine’s Day. “Everyone” seemed to have someone! except me!! During this time of year, I was reminded of my desire to be married more than ever. This time of year served as a reminder that I didn’t “have somebody” like my friends did. I was lonely. I wondered if I was desirable. Just before Ryan became a special part of my life in June of 2008, God taught me some very important lessons that He continues to solidify in me now. Here is what I learned:

- 1 Corinthians 7:32-35 – Paul informs us that those who are married are to serve our husbands/wives but those who are single are to serve the Lord. So, if you’re married, how are you serving your husband or wife? If you are single, how are you serving the Lord? and I don’t mean, “well, I’m a good wife” or “I’m a good Christian” – I mean “HOW are you SERVING?” To serve means to be fully devoted to someone. To serve means for that person to have our full attention and for our desire to be for that person. Is your desire for the Lord? Do you DESIRE to do what He would like? Is your heart committed to Him?

- Ephesians 5:25-27 – Remember your true Valentine forever! Whether married or single, don’t forget the Valentine that you have (or can have, if you do not know Him!) in Christ – no one on earth will love you as much as your heavenly husband does! Christ gave his life for you! He died for you, and now He lives for you! Christ loves you – He is each of our Valentine. And, believe me – if you are not totally in love with the King of Kings and fully satisfied with him, no one can touch your desire for “someone special” – no one on this earth can fill the void of “incompleteness” that is only filled by Christ Himself. So, whether you are married or single, have you said “Happy Valentine’s Day” to your forever Valentine? Have you said “I love you!” to your forever Valentine?

So, my single friends, Happy Valentine’s Day! Do not concentrate on the fact that at this time in life there is no earthly “match” for you. Time will fly by whether you accept the joy that only Christ gives or not. Commit your single days to searching for the Lord alone – and don’t ever be tempted to feel that not being married means that you are any less desirable in the site of Christ. Celebrate the love you have been given by God and praise Him for His great sacrifice. Rejoice in your time to serve Him and make Him the total source of your affection and praise. Don’t let your mind or heart wander into discontentment and don’t allow yourself to become entrenched in earthly desires.

A verse that really helped me as a single woman was Song of Solomon 8:4 – I want to be careful to not take this verse out of context – I do not believe that it is specifically meant for this application but this is how it helped me – “Do not arouse or awaken my love until she pleases.” When I was single, someone shared that part of the verse with me and I would often quote it to myself when thoughts of “single discontentment” would enter my mind. I strove to not “awaken” those thoughts, emotions, desires, and feelings meant for marriage. I am so thankful for pressing those thoughts aside for the time and am doubly thankful that I did not allow another man to become the center of such thoughts.

Well, that’s my thoughts on Valentine’s Day! I myself have had a wonderful day. In case you’re wondering, my hubby began the day with breakfast in bed (definitely awesome idea for you guys out there!), took me to the store to pick out a dress that I absolutely love, got me some jewelry, and finished it off with a beautiful Cala Lilly plant. What a wonderful day!

Bask in the LOVE of Christ!

Dear Friends & Family,

Merry Christmas! Ryan and have had a wonderful year in 2009 and cannot believe that we have now been married for more than 6 months! The Lord has truly blessed us this past year.

We spent most of the first half of 2009 planning the biggest day of our lives – our wedding! The wedding, on June 20th, 2009, was absolutely wonderful and everything we could dream of. We were joined by many of our closest friends on a beautiful morning as we celebrated our marriage. When we left my parents’ home that afternoon, I was overwhelmed with how blessed we truly are! God has blessed us with friends! Thank you so much to each of you who were there to make our wedding day so special.

Ryan spent the week after our wedding studying for a final exam in chemistry as I began to fix up our home (Aiken Village apartment 24-C). We honeymooned the next weekend at a cabin at Tishomingo State Park. It was a beautiful weekend and such a nice break from studying and work.

This fall, Ryan began his first semester at Mississippi State and did great! Being out of school for several years made it a challenge to go back but he truly applied himself and had a successful semester! Classes ended the first of December and he has enjoyed doing website design for the Mississippi Home Educators Association as well as George Johnson, a friend realtor in Baton Rouge, LA. He has also kept up my Cooking with Ellen website over the holidays. God blessed him with web jobs from the day of his final exam up to the day he starts back school for the spring, which will be Wednesday, January 6th, 2010.

I (Ellen) have stayed busy since the wedding fixing up our little home (I almost have all the pictures hung that I want on the walls!) and working. I worked part time at a nursing home in Louisville for awhile but have now taken a full time job from home as a Diabetes Educator for Information and Quality Healthcare. I am the Golden Triangle Regional Project Leader and do diabetes training classes for Medicare recipients with diabetes. Though I haven’t started doing classes yet, I am already loving my job. The flexibility and great work environment have been so beneficial to me since the beginning of November. I was so blessed to find such a wonderful job opportunity!

Looking forward to 2010 … We have been making a few mental and written lists of goals, “to-do’s”, and things we’d like to do this next year. One is that we have used our Christmas money and received as gifts all the items needed to go tent camping. The first warm weekend of 2010, I hope to be out and about exploring God’s country in our new tent! We cannot wait for our Eureka Tetragon tent to come in and plan to thoroughly use it during our free time! We also have set forth plans for Bible studies and have bought a stack of Christian books for ourselves for Christmas about marriage and Bible study.

We pray that each of you that reads this had a very Merry Christmas and a wonderful 2010. God has been so faithful and blessed us so much. We pray that He does the same for each of you. Please stay in touch and feel free to come visit! We live on campus in married student housing at Mississippi State and love how close we are to everything in town.

With love,

Ellen & Ryan

thewallaces@ryanandellen.net

3 John 2 – “Beloved, I pray that in all respects you may prosper and be in good health, just as your soul prospers.”

Our wedding video is now online! Check it out! Be sure to watch all of the “parts” to the video from ceremony through reception!

Be sure to check out the Wedding Vows. You can find them in the “Wedding” menu at the top.

Our wonderful rehearsal dinner, prepared by my dad’s brothers and sisters, was held at the Starkville Church of Christ on Lee Blvd on June 19, 2009. The food and decorations were delicious and beautiful and we had a great time.
Check out the photos here!

Go to: http://www.ryanandellen.net/photo-gallery/ to find a large selection of the photos from our wedding! Enjoy!

Our Cabin

I don’t wanna go home! I have thoroughly enjoyed my honeymoon and really don’t want to leave! But, all good things must come to an end and the food would only last another day or so anyway!

We began the day by fixing breakfast. Ryan looked out the window to find that the potatoes that we had forgotten on the grill last night had been enjoyed by someone else overnight. Whatever it was that ate our potatoes left a small piece behind with the foil, clearing away all of our two potatoes!  We were very sad! Oh well! No loaded potatoes for lunch today!

As Ryan was loading the car, our neighbor said, “Ya’ll have been good neighbors.” Ryan replied, “We’re actually on our honeymoon.” The man said, “ha – we’ve been calling you the honeymooners since you got here!” I guess we stood out!

We got everything packed up and ready to go to be checked out by 11am. We checked out then went back into the park for one last round of disc golf. We were so tired that we were a sight – we could hardly throw straight! Ryan had one throw go through the trees and almost into the road and I had one land probably 60+ feet high in a tree and stick in the branches! Thankfully, the wind blew it down and I just climbed down the hill to get it. We had fun through the game, nonetheless, and were hungry when we finished.

We ate sandwiches that I had packed for lunch before driving home. What a wonderful honeymoon!

It was happy-sad to get home and begin unpacking. I guess real life must kick in tomorrow when Ryan goes to work. Thankfully, I only have to work on Friday of this week.

Time is flying by too fast. I don’t want to go home tomorrow!

Today was an exciting day. We set an alarm so that we would be sure to get up a little earlier than yesterday to get out on the trails. We enjoyed a breakfast of leftover cinnamon rolls, sausage, grits, and fruit before heading to play another round of disc golf and hike the Outcroppings trail. We decided to play the disc golf course at the opposite end of the park from the one we played yesterday. We both agreed that this course is the slightly easier one of the two. Disc golf in the

mountainous regions is great fun! We really enjoyed hiking through the woods, over rocks, and through the trees (except for when our Frisbees went too far off course!). After finishing the game, we hiked the outcroppings trail. This trail seemed to divide into one trail after the next. We never were quite sure whether we were on the main trail or an off shoot, which would normally take us back to another part of the main trail. We enjoyed the journey very much, though, ending back where we began.

When we were finished with the trail, we headed back to the cabin to eat lunch and rest. We were so tired. We enjoyed a late lunch of leftover hot dogs, chips, and fruit before watching another movie on the laptop.

After a few more adventures, we cranked up the charcoal grill to grill chicken breasts for dinner. I had marinated them for several hours and seasoned them before sending them out with Ryan to grill them. We cooked the chicken, skewered vegetables, and potatoes to go with

heated breadsticks. When dinner was ready, the potatoes were NOT! So, we decided to let them keep cooking while we ate. We decided to save them for lunch tomorrow.

We finished dinner with some s’mores. Ryan couldn’t remember if/when he had ever had s’mores before, so I dutifully showed him how to make them. We cooked them over the charcoal grill and they tasted SO GOOD!